Behind Blue Eyes
by bica99
Summary: L dies, Mello leaves, Matt follows . . okay, this suck . read it if you dare D: MattxMello, I'm hoping to make about 3 chapters, and maybe a epilogue. It may be a little angsty sometimes D:
1. Nightmare

A/N: Okay, so after writing the prologue of "My Number One" I kind of got stuck with the story and kind of forgot the plot . soooo~ I decided to wait a little with continuing that one ^^"  
Meanwhile I got the idea of this fan fiction, while reading another one called "Juxtapose" (which you can find here on so you should go read it! :3) though I don't know why I got the idea while reading it, since it has nothing to with this fan fiction XD  
Warnings: This is a kind of angsty MattxMello story, therefore it is shounen ai (malexmale, guy love you know .) if you don't like it, then don't read it! ^^"  
I don't own Death Note...if I did things would've turned out way differently ._.

---

**Behind Blue Eyes**

_Nightmare_

The sky was dark as the sun was slowly rising. It was early in the morning on the 6th of November.

There now was less than a month to December, the busy month where people would run around in stores, trying to find presents for their friends and relatives.  
The month where kids would run around, building figures out of the cold snow and try to have a good behavior, so they would get good presents when Christmas came.  
It was a fact, that almost everybody waited for and loved the month of December. Because even though it was a month placed in the beginning of the cold winter, it was a warm month full of friendship and love.

The kids at the orphanage "Wammy house" was no exception.  
In November the most kids where impatiently waiting for Christmas and December. Waiting for snow and presents. Waiting for the warm atmosphere and excitement that would be spread when Christmas eve came really close.  
But mostly, the kids where waiting to see L.

Even though he was very busy with the Kira case, which he was currently working on, L had promised all the kids at the Wammy house to come and visit them for Christmas.  
So of course almost everybody was looking forward to seeing him.

As the sun kept rising and the clock passed. It was now almost 7 o'clock in the morning, and almost time to wake up.

Matt was lying on his bed while staring up at the ceiling.  
He fell pretty fast asleep the day before, and was now only waiting for his roommate Mello to wake up.  
Slowly, he turned unto his side so he could look at Mello who was sleeping in another bed, not far from Matt's own.

Mello was shifting uncomfortable in his sleep, he was mumbling something Matt couldn't hear and had a very worried expression.  
He probably had a nightmare.  
Suddenly Mello began to ex- and inhale very quickly, like he was gasping for air, or running from something.

"Mello?" Matt spoke his name, hoping that he would somehow be able to awake the sleeping blonde, though it was without luck.

The redhead lifted himself up on his elbow, so he could easier look at Mello.  
He didn't know what he was dreaming, but he certainly knew that he wanted to wake up Mello, since it seemed to be really bad.

"Mello?" he tried again, still without luck.

He then thought about standing up, walking over to Mello's bed and waking him up.  
But just as he decided to do so, the time passed 7 o'clock, and the alarm clock began to ring.  
This caused Mello to suddenly shot up from his lying position and straight into a sitting one.

Matt examined Mello's face. He surely looked shocked, did he really have such a bad dream?

Mello had risen up and had turned off the alarm clock, but Matt was so caught up in wondering about Mello's dream, that he hadn't realized it, before the clock stopped ringing.

"Stupid alarm" Mello muttered under his breath.

Matt looked up at his blonde friend.  
It was clear that Mello was trying to hide that he had been having a nightmare during the night.  
But hell would have to freeze over before Mello would actually admit that he was scared of something.

Matt really wanted to know what Mello had dreamed.  
He didn't really know if it was out of curiosity, or out of concern, or if it was both.

"Hey Mello?" The redhead asked in a calm voice, which seemingly shook Mello out of his own thoughts.  
Also, Matt noticed that Mello's legs were shaking slightly.

"Yeah? What is it?" Mello answered, trying to look calm.

"Did you have a nightmare or something? You didn't seem to sleep very well, and you're all shaky and stuff now y'know?" Matt saw Mello looking surprised down at his legs, as if he first then realized that his legs were shaking.  
He sat back down on his bed and grinned slightly, again trying to hide what he was feeling at the moment.

"Well yeah, I kind of had a bad dream, but it's nothing to worry about" Mello assured Matt, while removing a blonde strand of hair from his face.

Matt raised an eyebrow and looked at Mello.  
He had known him long enough to tell when he was lying.  
But usually he would just let it go, and let the sometimes naive blonde believe that he wasn't worried.  
Though this time he really wanted to know, so he rose up from where he had been sitting, walked over to Mello's bed and sat down beside him.

"Sometimes it's better to talk about it, than suppress it Mello" Matt started, looking into the blonde's blue eyes, which was currently showing surprise.

Those eyes. Those beautiful blue eyes. Matt remembered when Mello had arrived on Wammy House.  
Back then his eyes looked so grey, so lifeless.  
After Mello had been at the orphanage for a long time, it was like his eyes looked more blue, more confident, more lifeless, though they right now looked like mixed surprise and fright.

"What do you mean Matt?" Mello finally replied with a sigh.

"What I mean? You had a nightmare, don't try to deny it, I saw you shifting uncomfortably in your sleep, and I saw how your legs shook just a moment ago. So tell me, what did you dream about that was so bad?" Matt continued in a calm voice, so that Mello wouldn't notice that he was actually a worried about him.

Mello looked down at the madras, trying to avoid Matt's gaze, and muttered something that sounded like "okay then", before looking up and locking his blue eyes unto Matt's green ones.

"Well, it may sound a little stupid, but to me it was..." Mello stopped, his legs began shaking slightly again.  
Matt placed a comforting hand on the upset blonde's shoulder, and shortly after Mello continued.

"I just dreamt that L died." Matt was temped to laugh, but didn't.  
Even though it seemed a little funny, maybe even a little ironic that the blonde would get so upset about a dream, where someone he barely ever saw had died.  
But Matt knew that Mello, like himself had lost his parents, and saw L like a father, so losing him would be just as terrible as losing his dad again.

"well I promise you, L won't go dying on us! He's awesome, things like that doesn't happen to awesome people!" Matt assured with a smile on his face.

Mello's lips formed into a little smile as he slightly giggled at Matt. The redhead could sometimes be so stupid and naive. But yet, he found it really cute.

"I promise. He won't die or leave us, ever!" Matt continued.

"Thank you Matt" with that said, Mello then leaned in closer to Matt and hugged him tightly.

It was a little shocking that Mello, the guy who always tried to act so tough would suddenly do this.  
But Matt was only happy that he did. After all he'd always wanted to become closer with Mello, but never really felt that he had the chance to do so.  
Mello always had to prove to the other orphans that he wasn't weak, that he was number one, that he was definitely good enough to surpass Near, and even L.

Matt had always been left to stand on the side line, admiring Mello.  
Mello and his golden hair and beautiful blue eyes.  
It was a long time since Matt had fallen in love with Mello. He had hated to admit, and didn't dare telling Mello.

"You're welcome" he happily replied, wrapping his arms around Mello's back.  
As they said there hugging, the door suddenly opened, which caused Mello to jump back in surprise.  
Mello looked relieved that it was just Roger walking in the door, and not some other kid.

"Mello, I would like you to change into some clothes and come down to my office" Roger said in a sad tone.  
Mello nodded and began to rise up.

"And Matt, you should also change, lessons are beginning very soon" Roger continued and walked out of the room.

Mello quickly changed and walked out the door, leaving Matt sitting tiredly on the bed.

"oh well, better get starting, lessons will start in 20 minutes anyways" Matt spoke to himself, and began changing clothes so that he could get up to his class and get the lessons over with.

---

So what did you think? Personally I like this better than my other fan fiction thingy, besides I still have and idea of what's going to happen in the story, unlike the other one .

R&R and you'll get a cookie :3


	2. comfort

A/N: I'm getting faster at updating, ne? :3 Anyways, this chapter is a little...I don't know . maybe a little sad? D: but at the same time kind of fluffy o.o beware of the sad fluff XD  
Warnings: This is a kind of angsty MattxMello story, therefore it is shounen ai (malexmale, guy love you know .) if you don't like it, then don't read it! ^^"  
I don't own Death Note...if I did things would've turned out way differently ._.

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_Comfort_

Class was finally over, and that was remarked by a clock ringing, so it could be heard in all classes.  
All the kids packed their things together, talking to their friends, while walking out of the classroom.  
Matt too, did pack his things together and walk out of the class room, heading for his room, he just didn't talk to anyone.

Mello hadn't showed up for the lessons at all, neither had Near.  
To tell the truth, Matt was quite worried, what did Roger want to talk to Mello about anyways? And why wasn't Near there neither?  
Maybe it had something to do with both of them? Matt would never know.  
He knew that Mello disliked Near very much, because Near was number one at everything, and Mello was always number two.

Even though it was unlikeable of Mello to do something to Near, Matt became worried, that maybe that was why Roger wanted to talk to both of them.

Matt shook his head. Nah, Mello would definitely never do something like that.  
Even though Mello could be low tempered and he almost was desperate to be number one, but he doubted that he would actually hurt anyone in order to be that.

As thoughts was wandering through Matt's mind, he now finally reached his and Mello's shared room.  
He reached for the doorknob and opened the door, but the sight that met his eyes was not what he was expecting.

All Mello's stuff was packed together and on the floor two stuffed bags were standing.  
Matt looked around the room, and found Mello sitting on his own bed with his head facing the wall.

He took a few steps inside the room, not sure if Mello had seen or heard him.

"Mello?" he questioned, hoping to get the blonde's attention, but without luck.

"What is this? What's going on?" He asked confused, but still there was no reaction from the blonde.

Matt was now getting both impatient and worried.  
Why wouldn't Mello answer him?  
He then walked over to where Mello was sitting, and placed a hand on his shoulder.  
This action made Mello turn his head up at Matt.  
His eyes were red and teary, but worst of all:

The pale grey lifeless color had found it's way back in Mello's eyes.  
Now Matt was really worried. What the hell had happened? Why had Mello cried?

Mello turned his head away again, as if he had just realized that he looked like someone who had recently been crying.

"Hey Mello?" Matt gently said and sat down beside the blonde. "Is something wrong?"

At first Mello didn't say anything, but only rose his hands to his eyes and wiped some new tears away.

"it's just" Mello started in a dry and shaky voice, while he turned his head away.  
It was like he was scared of letting Matt know that he had been crying, even though it was obvious.  
Slowly, he turned his head back and looked up in Matt's green eyes.

"Matt I'm leaving" he shortly said, as new tears formed in his eyes and he once again turned his head away. from Matt.

Matt's eyes widened and he could feel something tightening around his heart.  
Did Mello just say what he thought he said? Was Mello going to leave Wammy house? Going to leave Matt?

Matt would protest but no words came out.

"Why?" was the only word that would escape his lips.

He was shocked, and felt like something had just pierced his heart. Something sharp. Something that would kill everything it hit.  
Was he going to be alone now? Without Mello? Without the first person he'd ever fallen in love with?

Mello hesitated a bit, but then finally spoke.

"L is dead. He was killed yesterday...by Kira... and-" Mello felt his own voice disappearing as he tried to continue, and new tears once again formed in his eyes.

"Near is going to be the next L, but I-..." he paused again "I'm gonna capture Kira myself. To beat Near. To avenge L..."

Matt looked into Mello's pale blue eyes. He wasn't lying, he was telling the pure truth, and that was what hurt the most.  
Matt couldn't believe Mello. He didn't want to.

"but..." Matt started, but couldn't find the words to continue.  
He wanted Mello to stay. He didn't want him to leave him. Matt wasn't sure if he would be able to live without Mello.  
They had been best friends ever since they had been living at Wammy house. And the truth was, that Matt had been so obsessed with being with Mello, that he didn't have other friends than Mello.  
It would be lonely without him. To lonely for Matt to bear.

But as much as Matt wanted Mello to stay, just as much did he knew that Mello was stubborn.  
Mello would go out to capture Kira, if that was what he wanted to.  
Even if Matt where to fall down on his knees and crying begged him to stay, Mello would go.

Now it was Matt's eyes that were getting teary.

"Can't I just help you or something?" Matt asked, as the only words he was able to speak.  
He knew he sounded really pathetic, but if Mello wouldn't stay, he really wanted to go with him.

Mello made a short forced laugh.

"Matt I'm sorry but you can't" he started, he tried to smile, but his eyes was teary and his face showing any other emotion than happiness.

"You're only 13 years old, and I don't want to put you in any danger" he continued, concern of the redhead clearly showing in his voice.

"But what about you? You're only 14, you shouldn't be alone out there neither!" Matt tried desperately to find ways to either make Mello stay or take Matt with him.

"I will soon be 15 anyways, I'll be alright" Mello again tried to smile, to assure Matt that he would be alright.

Matt couldn't do anything else but to look at Mello.  
His eyes was teary, and he could barely tell the blue color in his eyes.  
Matt didn't know what hurt the most at the moment.  
The fact that Mello would be leaving, or seeing Mello like this.

Mello maybe wasn't happy all the time. But he was not sad very often neither.  
And the few times he were, he was good at acting like nothing was wrong, though Matt had learned to see through him a long time ago.  
Even if he had learned to see through Mello whenever he was sad or upset, he had never seen him cry.  
He had seen him, looking like he wanted to cry, but never seen him crying. Nor had he ever seen him with teary eyes or looking as miserable as he did now.

Suddenly new tears began to form in Mello's eyes again

"I'm sorry Matt. But I have to" it was merely a whisper escaping Mello's lips.

Mello looked like he couldn't decide whether to look at Matt or not.  
He looked so confused, so heartbroken, he looked like he mostly wanted to give up, but refused to.

Matt could barely stand to look at his normally tough acting friend, who suddenly looked so horrible.  
So before he knew it, he had embraced Mello in a warm hug, in a attempt to maybe comfort him a little.

It was actually kind of weird, hugging Mello like that.  
Sure that had been best friends like forever. But it was just like hugging just wasn't something that boys did.

Mello let out a content sigh, as Matt held him close.

They stayed like that for a while, just Matt holding Mello while they said nothing.  
Matt could feel that Mello was shaking a little bit, and Matt's shoulder where Mello were resting his head, had begun to turn wet.

Well, Matt didn't like the fact that Mello was crying, but to feel that Mello actually trusted him enough, to literally cry out on his shoulder, made him really happy.

"I'm sorry" Mello said, pulling his head away from Matt's now wet shoulder, "I've made your shirt all wet".

Matt couldn't help to laugh a little. Apologizing for making his shirt wet, when Mello had just needed to cry out because of L's death?  
Well, that was more like the Mello he knew.  
In stead of admitting that something was wrong, he would ignore it or make fun of it like that.

"I can deal with that" Matt said while smiling.

Mello had almost regained his normal blue color in his eyes.  
But only almost, and hidden by the redness of his eyes after crying.

Mello again rested his head on Matt's shoulder, while Matt wrapped his arms around Mello's thin frame.  
They again stayed like that for a while, in complete silence.

It really was a moment of bliss.  
Matt lifted one of his hands and stroked Mello's blonde hair.  
Not only was his hair beautiful, more beautiful than the most mens hair. But it was also soft, almost like silk.  
And it smelled wonderful.  
Matt inhaled deeply, taking in the full scent of Mello's hair, knowing that this maybe was the last time he would be this close to Mello.  
Or maybe even the last time that he would be with Mello ever.

Again, Matt felt something tighten around his heart.

He didn't want this to be the last time he would ever see Mello.  
Even if Mello left now, Matt was sure that he would somehow find him again some day.

"Mello?" Matt softly spoke, to break the silence.

But since he did not receive any answer, he chose to look down at the blonde, to find that he was asleep.

Matt smiled.

It was only 5 in the afternoon, and Mello was already asleep?  
But when Matt thought about it, it had to be exhausting, to get know that the person you saw as a father was dead.  
To make the decision to leave the place you've been living for almost half your life, and then crying a lot because of it all.

This had most likely been the worst day in Mello's life ever.  
So, actually it was no wonder that Mello had fallen asleep.

Matt gently placed Mello on the bed, laid himself down beside him and pulled the blankets over them both.  
He placed his arm around Mello.  
Mello wouldn't mind would he? Not right now. Right now it was unlikeable for even Mello to get mad about something like this.  
Actually, Matt would swear that he could see a small smiled formed on Mello's lips.

Just lying there, holding and watching Mello, begin to make Matt tired too.  
And as Matt now also slowly drifted of to sleep, he hoped. Prayed. That Mello maybe would reconsider it all and stay.

---

Cliffhangerish? XD

okay, I had hoped to have some more interesting things happening in my chapter, but if I had to continue with this chapter, it would end out being to long ^^"

So what do you think? :3 I would appreciate constructive critique, on how I could do this better and stuff ^^

R&R and Mello and Matt will perform yaoi for you :3


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